Sunday, April 11, 2010

Hubby's Procedure

     Hubby had to have a "procedure" done on Friday.  He doesn't like it when I use that word.  He says it sounds like I'm referring to some type of medical service that is too embarassing to call by it's real name and is vague enough to let the listener conjure up their own medical definition.  Things like hemorrhoid removal, penis enlargement, or cyst draining come to mind. 
   
The first time I used the word, I told a client over the phone that we couldn't meet that morning because my husband was having a procedure done.  I saw hubby's pained expression as soon as I said it and quickly tried to banish any disconcerting images that might be forming in my client's mind. "Oh, it's nothing major, just something he needs to do," I said.

Implying it was not medically necessary probably just opened up a whole new realm of possiblilities for "procedure" and made it worse.   When I got off the phone, hubby glared at me and said, "You can't just say you have another appointment??"
   
Friday's "procedure" was a steroid shot in his neck, administered under anesthesia, for pain from a displaced disc. There. All disconcerting images banished, I hope. The truth is, hubby likes having procedures done. Anything that involves him taking a nap is a positive experience.  He practically skipped into the examining room. 
  
I was rather surprised at his enthusiasm, considering the last time he was there they got his chart confused with someone elses.  After settling him in the "procedure" room, they told him to lay face down on the table.  He complied without questioning.  Then they said, "Ok, pull down your pants."

His complacency screeched to a halt and he asked where, exactly, they were going to give him the shot for his back.  After some him-hawing and mumbled apologies they figured out they had the wrong chart, or the wrong guy - it was just definitely wrong.  Whatever the other guy was getting, "procedure" was the right word for it.
Da Vinci illustrating proper technique for making snow angels.
The face-up technique is recommended.
   
That prior visit's little blunder would not curb hubby's anticipation of his anesthetic induced nap however.  He made jokes with the anesthesiologist as he was being prepped and cheerfully waved goodbye to me as I left to wait in the reception room. 
   
Fortunately, they play movies in the waiting room to distract people from the fact that they have been waiting for a really long time.  There were previews for the movie Madagascar.  The voice of one of the characters was Chris Rock.

It reminded me that the night before I had dreamed that I was making out with Chris Rock.  I don't have a thing for Chris Rock, I've never given him much thought, and I haven't seen a movie recently that he's been in, but there he was making out with me in my dream.  I remember thinking, "Wow, he has big lips."
   
Back to hubby's procedure. The nurse called my name when he was done.  As I followed her back to the room, she said hubby was "a character."  I agreed with her.  She said when she told hubby he should be a stand-up comic, hubby replied sleepily, "Yeah, but then I'd have to stand up."  That sounded like hubby.  He delivers his best material when he's groggy.
   
When I entered the room, he waved at me with a goofy grin and said the nurses tried to grab his butt.  Then he said he tried to grab the nurse's butt.  The nurse told me I better hang onto him as we walked to the car.
  
It's become a tradition that after hubby's "procedures" we stop at Jack-in-the-box on the way home.  He's always starving because he has to fast due to the anesthesia.  Husbands are like kids and dogs when it comes to their little routines, aren't they?

Just leave their treat-time, bed-time, bath-time, procedure-time routines the same and all is right with the world.  He munched on his tacos while back-seat-driving all the way home.  Then I tucked him in bed for a nap.  I wondered if he would dream that he punched out Chris Rock.          

7 comments:

  1. Your hubby is a crack up and the witty way you write makes it even funnier. I'm really enjoying your blog. Off to read some more!

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  2. Hehehehe. I couldn't agree more. Husbands are babies.=)

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  3. yeah, when you said "procedure," i was like, "hmmm, something embarassing, no doubt!" glad he took it well and even got to stuff his face with fast food! i'd be willing to get a "procedure" if that was my reward :)

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  4. Funny funny. I must admit, when I read 'procedure' I thought 'rubber glove". But that probably says more about me than you.

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  5. Still chuckling, Lori! Hope the disc pain is now managed and it is good to see hubby still maintains his sense of humor.
    Yes, "procedure" leaves too much to the imagination. I was thinking Vasectomy. I don't think he would be in such great humor about that one.

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  6. 'Procedure' is just one of those words that conjures up twisted images. Or I'm a sicko.

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  7. Vasectomy! That one was a breeze, and years ago. Best $5 copay I ever spent! But here's the little catch they don't tell you about: it doesn't prevent step-kids.

    Someone owes me 5 motherbloggin' dollars!!

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