Sunday, April 1, 2012

Sunday Snippets

This really was meant to be a "Friday Fragments" post, but since I'm both a procrastinator and much to tired to come home from work and blog, it's now a "Sunday Snippets" post. You know, just snippets and fragments that, when strung together, just might qualify for a blog post. Maybe.

Snippet #1: I went shopping yesterday at Kohl's in hopes of finding some springy tops to resurrect my winter pants. Out of about 10 tops I tried on, I found only one. One. Quite disappointing. It was a cute one though:


Right? And might I just add here, that whatever Blogger did to it's "insert image" function, SUCKS!! This wasn't uploaded sideways, but no matter what I did, it would only insert sideways! Also, Giggity.

ANYhoo, I just found the one top. In my rejection of all the other tops, I realized something. You know all those cartoons and jokes about gravity affecting women's bodies, and that things hang that didn't hang before, yada, yada? They. are all. true.

Looking in the dressing room mirror, I could have sworn I shrunk 2 inches. My butt sagged, my arms looked way fatter than I remember (and it hasn't been THAT long since I've been in a dressing room. Maybe a couple months), and I had a camel toe, even though my jeans weren't tight in the least.

Which tells me even my vagina is now sagging. Just. Perfect.

I looked like an Oompa-loompa.

And it didn't help my already jangled-due--to-an-unpleasant-dose-of-reality nerves that my cousin (whom I love dearly and whom I asked to go with me shopping, but who couldn't because she was going to take a nap), kept texting, asking me to send her pictures of Jennifer Lopez's line.

Yeah, right? The nerve! While she's napping at home, I'm stuck in the Kohl's dressing room, all by myself, staring at the reflection of an Oompa-loompa and forced to deal with the trauma of realizing all those things Maxine says are true! Like this:
And this:

But instead of saying "Hell-to-the-no, Be-atch, get outa bed and get your ass over here and tell me I don't look as bad as the dressing room mirror says I do," I took pictures of JLo's cute tops and sent them and informed my cousin that yes, JLo's flowy pants are really cute, but they had no size 14's, and no, I didn't see any JLo platform shoes.

But at least I got to end my shopping with a glass of wine at Mimi's with my sister, who texted me after she woke up from a nap to see if I wanted to go to Mimi's with her so she could get away from her husband and step-kids for awhile. What the hell is up with everyone taking naps??

Snippet #2 and yes, I promise it won't be as long as snippet #1: Hubby and I are going to Zion next weekend on a little 3-day getaway, just the two of us. We haven't went away together in a while and with all the stress from my daughter, and just life, we're really looking forward to it.

Attention internet weirdos looking for houses to break into: No, our house will not be empty while we're gone!! We have kids in their 20's that still live at home, and my daughter has already asked me if she can have "a few people over." Translation: Can I have a house party and let everyone crash for the night so they don't have to drive home. So, not only will our house not be empty, but there's likely to be more people there than I care to think about at the moment. Now back to my blog post:

Room rates for the town of Springdale, right outside of Zion, start at $130 a night, which really was more than I thought. I was a bit disappointed. I even came up with the idea of pitching a tent in one of the campgrounds, just to sleep in, to save money on the room. 

Yes, I really did. I like camping, so it wasn't a bad idea to me, and surprisingly, hubby even agreed. This is the same hubby that told me once, after I told him that I could just pitch a tent on the beach in Hawaii and live there, perfectly happily, that I should make sure the tent is close enough to the hotel he would be staying in so that he could wave goodnight to me from his room. 

So I was quite surprised he agreed to this idea..

In the end, we decided to go ahead and spring for a room because we really did need a stress relieving getaway and having to traipse across a campground to the bathroom in the middle of the night wasn't really very stress-reducing. So, we found rooms for about $108 a night at the Bumbleberry Inn. No, I have no idea was a bumbleberry is, but I'll find out and let you know.

Snippet #3: The boy (that's my son), who has been going to cooking school for the past several months, got a job as a cook at a local bar and grill. We're very happy for him, because it's a start in the field he wants to be in, and it's a job after having been unemployed for close to a year.

Snippet #4: I'm also very proud of my older daughter, Sissa, for not letting anything get in the way of her goals. She continues to pursue her dancing and her associates degree, while holding down a job, and plans to get her own apartment, with a friend in the coming months. Which would be great because then she can have her "few people over" at her house.

Snippet #5: I'm still hoping and praying for my youngest child, The Girl, that she'll have a moment of clarity in her addiction and realize she needs to get help, and get it.

Snippet #6: I almost made the fatal mistake of confusing Star Wars with Star Trek while at work. This may seem like no big deal, but I work with computer geeks. And Star Wars and Star Trek are like the old and new testament to them. Seriously. I tweet to our work twitter account, and someone had tweeted that Spock was celebrating his 81st birthday. So I was about to tweet that at 81, he would  need the force to be with him to blow out all those candles.

Fortunately, I realized my faux pas before I sent it. In case you aren't a geek, the force was a Star Wars thing and Spock was from Star Trek. Anyway, I ended up saying that I hope Spock lived long and prospered, which, my husband informed me later, was lame.

Snippett #7: I bought some new spanx, and would like to say something to all spanx-makers everywhere:

BE PART OF THE SOLUTION, NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM!

By this I mean, if you make a product that is supposed to hold in a woman's gut and diminish her fat rolls, but said product simply rolls down to the waist, adding to the woman's already existing rolls, THAN YOU ARE NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM, YOU ARE ADDING ANOTHER ROLL, WHICH IS ADDING TO THE PROBLEM! 

Not too mention making for a very uncomfortable workday as I constantly tried to unroll my spanx from my waistband. Oh, and then I remembered the security cameras. Perfect.

Oompa-loompa here, signing out.

3 comments:

  1. Hubby speaking - just to clarify, I was going to throw my roomservice leftovers from my balcony, not wave. What kind a douche is she trying to portray me as?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love the top! Hope your house is in good shape when you get back! Enjoy your time away to relax and enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha! You are so right. Star Wars and Star Trek must never be confused. How could you even come close?? :) Ummm...and I never thought about age affecting...*that* area. Why did you tell me??

    ReplyDelete

I love comments more than wine. And that's a LOT of love.

Related Posts with Thumbnails