Monday, March 21, 2016

Fractured Weekend Post About Nothing

I learned no fascinating news from the Sunday paper this weekend. And nothing exciting happened at our house. So basically, this is a post about nothing.

Yup, I really know how to draw in the readers.

The only thing mildly interesting is that I may have another compression fracture in my back. It may or may not have happened while I slept Thursday. All I know is I woke up Friday morning with the familiar pain. I tried to convince myself I slept wrong, but as the day wore on...well, I'm pretty convinced it's a fracture.

I go to my spine doctor (and I'm sure there's a more proper medical term for that, but I don't feel like googling it) Tuesday morning for an X-ray to find out for sure.

I have this thing I do after I get a fracture. I binge watch House, M.D.

I suppose it's because I wish I had a Dr. House in the house. Minus the obnoxious bedside manner and the way he almost kills his patients before successfully diagnosing them.

I just want a doctor who cares. Someone who writes all my symptoms up on a whiteboard and brainstorms with his team what the problem could be. Does that actually happen?

House MD, Hugh Laurie writing on whiteboard.
I don't have those symptoms. Putrid discharge and multiple abscesses? Yikes! I'll stick with fractures. Goes to show you that someone else is always worse off than you. (image source)


Instead, I get Dr. Not Home.

"Your case is very unusual. Here, this medication will help but you can only take it for two years because after that it causes bone cancer. Oh, and when you stop taking it, your bones go right back to how they were before you started it so then we'll have to give you another medication that probably won't help because you don't have the the problem that this medication is best for but we don't know what else to give you."

I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist of what they tell me.

In other news, Fred came in from the garage Saturday and said he saw "Something really big crawl under the washer."

That started the following conversation:

Me: "What was it?"
Fred: "I don't know, a big spider or a lizard."
Me: "Well was it a spider or a lizard?"
Fred: "I don't KNOW. It was big."
Me: "Did it have a tail?"
Fred: "I don't know, I only saw legs."
Me: "How many legs?"
Fred: "I only saw two hind legs."
Me: "Spider legs are very different from lizard legs."
Fred: "It was fast and I was traumatized. I'm not sure what it was."
Me: "Well how big WAS it?"
Fred: "Big enough that I don't want to go out there anymore."

Fabulous.

We could have a tribe of half lizard, half spider creatures planning an uprising under the washer.

Giant spider planning to take out housewife.
Don't you wonder if I have better things to do than put captions on spider pictures? (image from Pixabay)


See, I told you this post was about nothing.

One thing that cheered me up from my pain and unknown garage cratures was that our landscape guy came and did the front and back yard. We don't have a big yard and it's mostly rock, but the rocks needed raking and there were some weeds and tree debris around. It always looks so nice when they're done.

Backyard rock and desert landscaping.
I sit out here and watch the hummingbirds like an old lady.


My husband once hugged our landscaper. He said it just felt right. I think that gives you an idea of just how much the hubs hates yard work.

Despite my back, I did get out to a birthday party this weekend. The mom of a friend of my daughter's (Sissa, the one in India) turned 50 and although I don't know her well, I wanted to go and wish her a happy 'nother year around the sun.

Whenever I go to an event, I'm reminded of how socially awkward I am. I really am. If I can help in the kitchen or something, I'm fine. I feel useful. And I did help make margaritas because I guess something about me screams "Put that girl in charge of the booze!"

But if I don't know the other people there, I never know what to say or do. They had a karaoke machine and the birthday girl's husband was singing and I was trying to slip out early, but I had to get my taboulah bowl sitting on the buffet table right by the karaoke machine. So I had to cross in front of him to get it.

It was shortly after that when I realized he was singing a song dedicated to his wife, who was sitting on the couch across from him. And I had just crossed between them TWICE to get my damn Tupperware. Actually four times because I realized I had forgotten the lid and went back for it!

How self-absorbed could I be?

Panda acting awkward and embarrassed GIF
Aww, man, I feel so STUPID!  (giphy.com)


And the hubs and I wonder why the party invitations aren't rolling in.

So that's my exciting weekend. Fractures, Dr. House binge watching, strange creatures in the garage, and awkward party behavior.

How was your weekend?

Awkwardly,
Lori

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